Commited: For Baby and Me

I knew when I found out I was pregnant that when he was born I wanted to breastfeed. Being from a medical background, I fully understood the benefits of breastfeeding. What I couldn't foresee were the challenges I'd face. A c-section was a non-issue for me. It wasn't going to happen. I was going to have this baby all natural. My pregnancy was completely uncomplicated and the baby was healthy the ENTIRE TIME. At 41 weeks of gestation, however, I was REALLY starting to feel the pressure from my doctor, who kept threatening fetal demise, and from my family who'd come up to Oklahoma from Texas 3 weekends in a row anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little one. Sadly, I folded under the pressure and gave consent to an induction knowing that my Bishop score was dismal (he hadn't dropped, and the cervix was closed and not softened). Cervadil was placed at 6 pm on a Sunday. Pitocin was started and water was broken at 6am. Over the next 12 hours, my cervix managed to dilate 5cm, but it refused to go any further. I begged my doctor to allow me more time. He gave me until 6am the next morning. There was no progression. I was given an ultimatum: consent to a c-section or I'd be transferred to OKC to be dealt with there. I consented and bawled. Then I was threatened that if I didn't calm down, they would put me out for the c-section. I definitely wanted to be awake, so like a 5 year old I unsuccessfully tried to control my sniffling through the entire procedure. I made them fully aware that I wanted the baby brought to me ASAP so that I could get that 1st hour interaction/latching started. They complied. He was brought to me as soon as I was sutured and wheeled to a little holding station. My C-section experience was as horrible as I expected it to be. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. The narcotics eased the pain while I was in bed and not moving, but it was near impossible and excruciatingly painful to get out of the bed to go to the bathroom or to get my newborn out of the bassinet thingy to feed him, but I was determined. I eventually figured out how to get him out of the bassinet, but then I could never get him back in. I always had to call for a nurse at night or when a family member wasn't near.
My hospitals policy was that c-section deliveries stay in the hospital 48 hours. I honestly was so afraid to leave. I was not even 50% recovered when I was discharged. While at the hospital, I noticed that many of the moms would send their babies to the nursery so that they could "get some sleep". Not me. I only let them take my baby boy to the nursery when it was necessary. On day 2 after delivery, they informed me that he'd lost weight. He was down to 7 11 from 8 7. I knew that it would take time for my milk to come in, but I started getting this gut wrenching feeling like I was starving my child. The nurse informed me that if he lost more than a pound, then his weight loss would be "critical" and they would forcibly intervene. I did not want to give him anything but my breast. I'd come to the hospital prepared. I packed the boppy, nipple guards, lanolin. I'd even packed the breast pump, and after an hour of trying to get something to come out of my nipples, I asked the nurse about my options. She suggested (and I was open to), feeding the baby formula through a tiny tube while he was latched to my nipple. He was fed this way for 3 days.
I was not aware that a c-section would delay my milk's arrival 5 days. When it finally came, it poured. I alerted my mom that I had a little wet spot on my shirt. She suggested we latch the baby. When we did that, the other breast leaked like a faucet. My mom and cousin were both in the room, and we were scrambling to get the situation under control. In the beginning, when he first latched on, I would always wince in pain for a few seconds, then it would subside and he would carry on. I was in a lot of pain and discomfort that first week. One of the worst things I experienced happened in the middle of the night. Because I?d had a c-section, sitting up was a process. I eventually found that I could turn to my side and then walk my hands up my headboard to sit up. It still took time. I couldn?t do anything fast. One night after lying back down after a feeding, I heard my baby spit up, cough and then begin choking on it. I could NOT get up fast enough to help him. I was petrified, but I managed to startle my husband awake by beating on his back so he could help the baby. That helpless feeling is something that really hit me hard emotionally.
It didn?t take long for the baby and me to get into the groove of feeding, but it wasn?t without its challenges from others. I did not want to give my baby a pacifier nor a bottle for ATLEAST a month. Week one I was fighting my mother-in-law who desperately wanted him to have a pacifier at any sign of fussiness. I held my ground. Week two, I left the baby with my grandmother for an hour while I ran to the store to pick up a few things. Though she?d been bothering me to leave the baby with her when I ran errands, when I returned, she informed me that she would not be able to watch him until he was allowed a pacifier or bottle to ease his fussiness. Week three, I decided to head to Texas, and visit my family there. My mom was taking care of my late brother?s child. This was also an opportunity for the baby to be introduced to his only cousin (on my side; the cousins on his dad?s side are adults). I was really starting to love the effects of breast feeding. I?d lost 35 of the 40 pounds I?d gained during pregnancy in a mere 3 weeks, and the oxytocin was making sure that I REALLY loved my baby, and REALLY loved my husband. At the same time, I was starting to feel this never ending exhaustion from never getting more than 4 hours of sleep. My mom offered to watch the baby in the mornings so we could sleep in, but she reminded me that she needed a bottle to do so. I had been so sleep deprived that I finally caved. I pumped out 10 ounces (in two separate instances), she ran to the store and bought a bottle, and my husband and I were allowed to sleep in for the first time in 3 weeks.
The bottle? and pumping became more and more convenient. It was faster to pump out my milk and set him up with a bottle than it was to nurse, and I really liked that I could tell how much milk my baby was getting. I read that the baby was supposed to be consuming his weight in lbs times 2 in ounces. So he weighed 9 lbs that meant he was supposed to be taking 18 ounces of milk. In the first couple of weeks, I didn?t know how much milk my baby was getting, but he was gaining weight. I had so much milk coming that after he unlatched himself from my breast, I?d pump out the remaining milk and store it in the freezer. After week two, I?d already stocked up on over 100oz of milk. During week 4, I was starting to feel like I couldn?t keep up with his needs. I was feeding him what I was pumping, and he was eating it all. I didn?t have any extra to save. In an effort to get some rest, I wouldn?t pump or breastfeed at night. I started tapping into the milk that I?d stored in the first two weeks. I?d make a bottle, and have it ready for when he woke up. He?d been eating 2-3oz per feeding. The bottle held 4 oz. Usually he?d only wake up once at night, but occasionally twice or more, but the 4 ounces seemed to be enough. When I?d wake up, I?d pump, and I?d usually get a decent amount out: 5-6 oz. That would start him out for the day, and when he finished, I?d pump and add it to the bottle. After the first pumping, I usually only got out 2-3 ounces every 4 hours, but sometimes he wanted 2 ounces every 2-3 hours, and I wasn?t getting enough out, so again I was resorting to the milk I?d stocked up on. I?m not 100% sure if his demands are just too high for me to keep up with or if my supply is decreasing, but I?m starting to get worried about it. Before when he was latching, maybe, when my milk ran out perhaps the fact that he was latched was calming to him, and though he wasn?t getting anything, he was content. I?ve been latching him back on my breast in an effort to increase the supply. I don?t know if it?s working or not. I?ve been looking for additional means of increasing my milk supply and I came across Mother?s Milk Tea. I?m interested to give it a try to see if it has any effects.