I'll Give It A Try

by Lisa B
(West Allis, WI)

I chose not to nurse my first child. There were too many sexual aspects of the breast and the very notion of breastfeeding grossed me out. I realize now how childish that was but at the time, I couldn't help how I felt!

15 months later, my second child was born. My midwife,Deb, did her best to talk me into nursing and let me tell you, she was relentless without being pushy or rude. I loved that. I finally conceded and decided to at least give it a try. Noah was barely latching on at first but Deb assured me that they only eat a couple drops at a time and he was fine. For someone who remembered holding a bottle and thought "ounces" in terms of feeding, this whole drops at a time was an odd concept and I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I felt like I was starving my child.

Deb figured out, on my three day visit, that my nipples didn't protrude enough and perhaps if I bought some nipple shields, Noah and I would have an easier time. To be honest, there was nothing easy or natural about feeding him, messing with these shields at 3am when I was exhausted and he was starving! I was a mess. I was giving it my all and getting nowhere. My husband was very supportive, which helped, but when he came home from work one day to find me sitting on the floor, bawling and nursing for the fourth hour on and off, he went into the kitchen and made a bottle. Truly, that was my saving grace! Three days I fed Noah formula and pumped milk. We slept better, I got more done and most importantly, I was able to spend more time with my 15 month old.

Still, it was nagging at me. I felt like a failure, despite my very best efforts and I loathe feeling like a failure! On the fourth day, Noah's sister was napping, things were quiet and calm and he was hungry, so I thought to try again. It was wonderful! No nipple shields, no fussing, he just latched on and nursed. From that point on it was breast or pumped milk, entirely, for 7 months. I could have went longer I'm sure, but the sense of accomplishment was awesome! It turns out, we just needed a little break.

In conclusion, I am now almost three months pregnant with my third and I will be breastfeeding this one as well!