Renewed hope from a stranger

by Amanda Adkins
(Rossford, Ohio)

I had Brooklin in early June. I had tried to breastfeed my older two children and did not succeed the way I wanted to. I made up my mind this time I was going to do it until I was satisfied. I started nursing her right away. at first she latched on for a few mins but the room was so busy things were getting distracting and before I knew it they needed to do things with the baby. About 45 mins later I finally got to feed her and she was really fussy about it, pulling away, pushing me away, screaming. I continued trying while in the hospital and eventually a nurse asked me if I would like to try the pump before I fed her, it would help bring my nipples out. So I did and it worked, for a few mins and then my nipples would go flat. I became very frustrated, asked the pediatrician about and had a consult with lactation. Lactation told me they didn't see a problem besides my nipples being a little flat. Doc told me it was normal, she just wasn't hungry yet. At that point I also asked him about her jaundice, he said it was fine, it would go away soon.We went home still trying, still frustrated. The next night I noticed some very disturbing things going on with my baby and took her to the ER. In the end they figured out she was dehydrated, wasn't pooping, and had severe jaundice (so much for it going away). All due to not feeding. Brooklin was out under the big and little lights for a few days to help clear her up, get her working again. I started using the pump they had supplied me with at the hospital and feeding her from a bottle. I anted her to get better. We were there for about 4 days. I went home pumping my milk for my baby. I felt defeated but at least she was getting her milk, not something from a factory with bug parts in it (Similac recall 2010 ). I have been pumping ever since and it has been exhausting, mentally and physically. I feel as though I feed a machine first, then my baby. Like I've been missing out on some of the good stuff. Tonight I was sitting on my porch and my neighbor came over from across the street. I have never talked to her but my son and husband have. They both told her about my pumping "adventure" and she wanted to see how it was going. All the while we were talking she was trying to encourage me to nurse Brooklin and give it another try. After hearing some of the things she had to say I came in the house got my older two children settled and sat on the couch with my baby and my Boppy. I put Brooklin to breast and after a lot of fighting and calming and trying again she finally took to the breast. For the first time since my baby was born she nursed from me, and not a bottle! I cried, I laughed, I felt things I never thought I would be able to. All because someone took the time to talk to me and show me the support I have been lacking. She assured me if I needed her she would be there and though I don't know her right now I believe her. She gave me and my baby renewed hope.